{ Wallflower }

There are some days

When I do not want to finish the book I am reading--

The book I am devouring--

Because I know by the end of the book

It will become one of my favorites.

And there is always the subtle fear

That the next book I read will not live up to this one.

And all it will foster

Is disappointment.

There are some days

When I am sitting on an aeroplane--

When I have stowed my bag under the seat in front of me

(No thank you,

I would not like a blanket)

And I have clicked the buckle around my waist--

Though not too snugly--

When I am listening to the murmur of strangers and the rustling of papers--

That I hear it

Coming softly,

Wafting slowly,

Gently drifting out of the speakers:

A song from ages past when

I

Was still in middle school.

And I hear the guitar cords skip across my eardrums

As the lead singer

Tells the world

What he thinks it ought to know.

And it is when I hear those words

Sung sweetly,

Ever lightly

On that that airplane stereo,

That I wish this moment would linger longer.

And it does--

For a time.

Until it is used up.

And there are some days

When the searing reality of

You

Having been

Here

With me

Seems to much to understand.

And so reality beats about my ears

As my eyes watch re-runs of life passing

Me by.

On those days

I prefer not to watch

But then I cannot help it.

Because you are not here anymore.

And neither am I.

We have both gone away.

But your going has taken you farther.

And my going has grounded me here--

To stay.

There are some days

When I wonder if

You ever

Think about the lilacs and the lilies I pressed in your old books.

And there are moments when I wonder if

You ever

Lick your lips the way you used to before you said your thoughts aloud.

And

There are

Alwayes

When I wonder if

My alwayes ever meant even a sometimes to you.

But those are the days

When I realizes you could not

Tell me that even if you wanted to.

And so I choose never to ask.