{ Delicate Constellations }

Smeared across a darkening sky,

Flecks of light wink at the earth's corners,

Tempting you to come

And chart your course.

Equipped with creaking boughs

And steady eyes,

You released your vessel from the docks

To set sail.

And with this burden to chase the horizon,

You left this world--old and tired--

To find a new one--

One that would douse your thirst for discovery.

Across the leagues your vessel sailed

As you plotted your way to a world untouched by men like you--

Men who carried with them the power to change it--

To chart it--

To caress its mountains and valleys with their eager eyes and stalwart tools.

Yet as you sailed,

Your spirit found a sweet release in mapping--not land--

But stars.

Your arms and legs and hands and feet

Propelled you to the heights of your ship

Where at last you found your rest and tilted your gaze towards the heavens.

Equipped with your astronomical device,

You lingered in your silent perch

Waiting for the sky to unfurl before you

That you might decipher the constellations etched across its vast expanse.

And as you rested in your sanctuary of seclusion--

With one eye closed while the other drank deeply of the intensified view

That your mechanism provided--

You began your task of sifting through the mysteries

That filled the night hours.

You started with Orion

And found the waist that marked the hunter,

Then followed the lines that led to the arms that held the bow.

And with your piercing gaze, you drew back the layers--

The exterior known to those who merely cast glances

At the rigid, majestic form.

But your gaze searched the hunter's depths,

Giving life to the one who sought the prize that remained ever aloof.

Then you shifted your weight

And moved your apparatus towards the lounging queen.

And there you discovered the curves that long to be caressed--

Clutched tight by love's firm grasp,

Yet gently held.

You were not rough with her.

But instead invited her to show you why she fled across the sky,

Why her torments plagued her endlessly,

Why she would not stop for words or woos.

And as you ascertained her secrets,

You stowed them away in humility

And continued to explore.

Having spoken with the queen,

You shifted your body once again as the waves rocked your ship ever slowly

And looked up at the seven sisters.

They hid among the brighter lights

But were not overlooked by your careful eye.

You spoke softly to them

And coaxed them out from behind the meekness veiling their resplendent faces.

And, O, how they came alive!

Dancing in a ring that fell on softer ground

Than the shores you sought afar.

Their movements trailed in the heavens and

Send soft ripples into the folds of darkness around them.

You watched and smiled,

The mysteries unraveling before your eye,

As you gleaned a knowledge known by few

And understood in its fullness by fewer still.

And after understanding what constituted the sisters' essence,

You turned to the sky at large

And etched delicate constellations of your own,

Leaving sweet kiss along the horizon,

Gently moving up to the height of the heavens.

For you had earned the right to leave your mark upon the night sky.

Then, as a man who mapped out his portion of the stars,

You set aside your tools

And laid amid the rigging around you,

Letting your thoughts linger

And intertwine with the miry blackness above

As you let it explore your depths.

Yet just as sleep tempted your eyelids--

With gentle hands and a soothing release--

A voice was heard from the deck below,

A herald proclaiming

Land.

You moved with a caution known by stiff muscles--

Of a mind long distracted by mysteries yet untouched--

And looking at the constellations you had yet to explore,

You sighed a sigh of moments well spent--

Or memories forged and cherished--

Then descended from your perch to drink in all your eyes would behold

Of your new world.

The shores lay just beyond your grasp,

An Eden untouched by your tools--

A land that blushed under your firm gaze.

But listening to the whispers that wove through your sails,

You turned once more to the skies above

And consented with a gentle nod that you were a Columbus--

Not a Lewis or a Clark--

And in persisting further, you would become a young Cortez.

So you left these shores--

My shores--

That another might come and take your place.

For this world--

With its intricacies and vulnerabilities--

Was only yours to discover.

But the day shall come

When the one who is meant to spend his years mapping out its geography

Will return to this deep harbor

And thank you for your labors.

{ Grieving }

I started with the closet

And unpacked all the boxes

That held our Kodak film.

I ran my fingers along the outline of your yearbook portraits

And your gym class snapshots

And your graduation candids

And our wedding day photographs.

That was the day I had to face the reality

You

Were never coming back.

And I told myself this was healthy--

That those shelves could not stay frozen in time,

That leaving things just

The way

They are

Would not allow me to spin back the hands of that ticking clock

And breath life into your lungs again.

So I disturbed the silence

And found the memories we hid in our raincoat pockets

And faded tennis shoes.

I fingered your sweatshirts hanging limply on the wire hangers

Near the back of the closet

Where fishing poles and cobwebs

Kept them company.

Then I pulled them off the rack,

Carefully folding them with a precision that can only be explained by hesitation:

Was it too soon?

Could this wait--

For now?

But I kept on,

Slowly removing each hanger from each neck hole

As I waited for God to stop me

And tell me this was all a misunderstanding.

I knew if it was

I could find it in my heart to forgive Him

For taking you away from me.

But with each sweater

And each polo

And each button up

I found more and more reason to believe that this

Wasn't just pretend.

And each box I filled

Marked another step

Towards finality

As my reality

Was defined by your absence.

But you must still be here.

I can smell you on the leather jacket I can't bring myself to touch.

I can hear you in the clink of each hanger--

Almost as if you're still getting ready in the morning,

Rushing to throw on whatever is convenient,

Forgetting to check if it's clean.

And I can feel your breath against my skin when the box fan murmurs in the bedroom.

I can see your shadow when the dim light creeps in our window.

I can taste your aftershave on the corners of my lips--

A gentle reminder of when I kissed you every morning as you got ready to go.

But I cannot keep waiting for you to come home.

And so

I am left to crouch on my knees--

Folding the clothes you forgot you even owned--

As I try and figure out what it means

To move on.

{ Are You Listening? }

I need you to listen

Because I'm telling you I love you.

And I need you to stop repeating excuses

And pointing to old wounds

And getting distracted

And ignoring my voice

When I whisper your name.

I need you to hear me

When I say that

I love you.

But I will not let my words stand alone--

Even though my Word is enough.

I will romance your heart until there

Can be no doubt--

Now

Or ever--

That I would die,

And have died,

Just

For you.

I need you to understand

When my actions proclaim throughout the cosmos that

I love you.

And I will not stop reminded you of how utterly

And fully

And unchangingly

And deeply

I love you.

And I will not stop pursuing the heart

That I set beating in your chest

As I push the blood through your veins

And bring the color to your cheeks--

A sweet blush of understanding--

When I tell you that you are worth more than you think.

I need you to stop giving your love

To everything that tries to compare

To how much

I love you.

Because I am a jealous lover.

And I will not take you

So divided.

I will not have you

Part of the way.

I will not be satisfied

With anything short of everything.

I need you to grasp

What I poured out

Just to have the chance to tell you that

I love you.

I want you to know that I delight

In your laughter,

That I weep when

You cry.

I want you to know that your wounded spirit

Has not gone unnoticed.

And I want you to know that your heartaches

Will not go un-soothed.

I meant what I said

When I wrote your name on the palm of my hand

And whispered to the depths of your soul that

I

Love

You.

Beloved,

I've brought you here

To tell you

That you are precious,

To tell you

That you are pursued,

And to tell you

That you are loved.

Are you listening?